La Maleta! La Maleta!

The last few evenings have been very mild, so last night, we went to the area around Plaza Mayor to buy me a new briefcase at a North African leather store and have some tapas and a drink at an outdoor cafe. We usually take the metro home, but there is a bus that drops us off practically at our door, so we took it. It usually runs every 10 minutes, but for some reason, we waited 40! Not 5 minutes into the ride, and still 15 from home, we hear shouting at the front. The bus driver was arguing with a passenger. The bus didn´t move. The arguing continued. The bus still didn´t move. What followed was a skit good enough for Madd TV. Since we were at the back of the bus, the only word we could hear was la maleta (the suitcase). Apparently, you cannot bring suitcases onto a bus. After another 5 minutes, the passengers started getting really mad. One lady yelled, "Just drive the stupid bus!" while another demanded a refund as it was her last euro, and now she needed to take another bus home. So I chimed in and said to Ingrid,"We can walk from here, but I want our 2 euros back!" So we go to the front of the bus where all the action was. The man with the maleta was yelling at the bus driver to stop being an ass (he used a much stronger word) and just drive. All the other passengers were on the man´s side, yelling things like it´s a small maleta, it´s late, we waited too long for the bus in the first place, the bus is half empty, there´s room for the maleta, etc. Then the bus drivers turns off the bus and says, "I´m calling the police!" He threatened to arrrest the man! Well, the passengers were not having this innocent working guy with his little maleta arrested. Suddenly, someone starts chanting maleta! maleta! maleta! and everyone joined in as if we were at a soccer match. This really pissed off the bus driver. I asked "Where´s the maleta?" picturing some gigantic army style duffel bag. Ingrid taps me on the shoulder and points to my left foot. I kid you not, I was standing next to the maleta that had to be no more than 15" tall and about 8" wide and was so small that it fit under the seats! Then I told the bus driver in Spanglish that I was taking his name and bus number and reporting HIM to the transit authorities as he should be arrested for taking our money, not doing his job, and holding us all hostage on the bus. Meanwhile, everyone is still chanting MALETA! MALETA! Then una abuela (grandma) about 4 feet 10 and 90 pounds all dressed up like the Madrilleños are famous for, walks to the front of the bus and tells the guy SHE can drive the bus because she has an appointment! It´s 10:30 at night! Where was she going, bingo? She went on and on about what a bad man he was and how her night was ruined and he was disrespecting all the passengers. It was mutiny! The bus driver, who was still waiting for the cops, finally threw up his hands and said, "JODER! But if anyone gets hurt, it is not my responsibility!" to which abuela replied, "The only person who´s gonna get hurt is YOU if you don´t start driving this bus." It was hysterical! The driver turned on the engine, all the people clapped, and off we went...Lessons learned - don´t take a maleta on a bus in Madrid AND always carry a video camera to record the unexpected surprises of daily life in Spain!